Why Asymmetric Crowns Are a Thing (and Why They Matter)
Let’s be honest: most people don’t wake up thinking about the crown of a wig. But I’m not most people. I’m the guy who owns a wig shaped like a spaceship and another that makes me look like a startled octopus. So when I say asymmetric crowns are the unsung heroes of wig weirdness, listen up. Asymmetric crowns aren’t just for high-fashion runways; they’re for anyone who wants volume, drama, or a side part that says, “I woke up like this… but better.” And if you’re here, you probably have one of those glorious, off-kilter beauties. So let’s measure it right.
Tools of the Trade: What You’ll Need
Before we dive in, let me tell you about the time I tried to measure a wig with a banana and a shoelace. It didn't end well. So save yourself some weirdness and grab these: a flexible tape measure (the kind a tailor uses, not the one from your toolbox), a notepad, a pen, and a mirror. Optionally, have a friend who won’t laugh at you – or better yet, a cat. My cat, Sir Wigglebottom, is an expert at sitting on my head while I measure. You’ll also want the wig you’re planning to wear, of course. Unless you’re measuring for a wig you haven’t bought yet – then just use your head. That’s free.
Step 1: Find Your Natural Hairline
No, not that hairline. I’m talking about where your forehead meets your scalp – the real estate where your wig will live. For an asymmetric crown, this is crucial because the crown’s off-center peak will play tricks with your eyes. Stand in front of a mirror, pull your hair back (or shave it off like I did when I went full punk-chair for a week), and trace your hairline with a finger. Then, using your tape measure, take a measurement from ear to ear over the top of your head. Write that down. Call it something catchy, like “Ear-to-Ear Swamp.” I don't know, I'm a collector, not a poet.
Step 2: Measure Crown Depth
The crown depth is the distance from the center of your forehead (at the hairline) to the center of the back of your head (where the wig's nape would be). But here’s the twist: because the crown is asymmetric, you’ll need to measure from the center of that asymmetry. How do you find it? Lay your wig flat on a table and spot the highest point – that’s your target. Now, place the tape measure at that imaginary point on your head (yes, you have to guess a little), and run it straight back to the nape. It’s like drawing a diagonal line through your brain. Don’t worry, it’s painless. I once did this with a grapefruit on my head for accuracy. It was unnecessary.
Step 3: Map the Asymmetry
Now get your wig. Yes, the actual wig. Put it on a wig stand or your head (if you’re brave). Look at where the crown sits relative to your ears. Is it shifted left? Right? Does it look like it’s trying to escape? Measure the distance from the crown’s center to each ear. Jot down those numbers. They’re like the coordinates of buried treasure, except the treasure is a perfect fit. If the numbers are different (they will be), you’ve found your asymmetry. Celebrate by doing a tiny dance. I usually do the “Wobble-Wiggle,” which looks like I’m having a seizure, but it’s my thing.
Step 4: Check the Side-to-Side Balance
With an asymmetric crown, one side of the wig will have more volume than the other. That’s the point. But you don’t want it to look like a mountain on one side and a molehill on the other. Measure the circumference of your head at the level of your eyebrows and ears, but note where the crown intersects. For this, I recommend using a flexible ruler – the kind you can bend around your skull. If you don’t have one, use a wet spaghetti noodle (don’t, it breaks). Record the measurement from the center of the crown to the front edge on both sides. They should be different – that’s okay. Write down the difference so you know how to balance it with the wig’s construction.
Step 5: Account for Your Own Head Shape
Your head is not a perfect sphere. Shocker, I know. Some heads are round, some are oval, some are shaped like a potato (mine in particular). Asymmetric crowns love weird head shapes because they exaggerate them in fun ways. But for a good fit, measure front-to-back (from hairline to nape) and side-to-side (between your ears over the top). Then measure the same for your wig. Compare. If your head is 2 inches bigger in the front, your wig’s crown might need a little extra room. I once used a bicycle helmet to mold a wig. Don’t do that unless you’re going for a sweaty look.
Step 6: The Paper Test (Yes, Really)
Grab a piece of paper – printer paper works, but newspaper is fancier. Cut out a shape that matches your wig’s crown outline (the part that touches your scalp). Place it on your head where the wig will go. Does it stay? Does it slide? Is it trying to become a hat? Adjust until it feels secure. Then take your paper template and measure its dimensions. This gives you a physical record of your head’s topography. I have a drawer full of these paper cutouts. They look like modern art. My cat thinks they're toys.
Final Tips from a Collector
One: never measure after a big meal – your head might be fuller. Two: if you’re between sizes, always go bigger. You can always stuff the wig with foam or more hair. Three: write down every measurement. You’ll forget them, and then you’ll be like me, re-measuring for the sixth time while your cat judges you. Lastly, remember that an asymmetric crown is a statement. Embrace the wonk. Some of the best wigs in my collection are so lopsided they look like they’re having a stroke. They’re my favorites.
Now go forth and measure, you beautiful weirdo. And if all else fails, just glue the wig on. I’ve done it. No regrets.